I’d like to dedicate this post to AL’s mother, who sadly passed away early this morning. Thinking about her and the family as they go through this difficult time.
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-MAR 24th–
It’s week #4 now and I’m into my 3rd country, Laos. The final stop in the IndoChina leg. It’s 1930 on my last night in Luang Prabang and I’m sitting here in this groovy little bar called Utopia, typing away. Yeah, writing at a bar. The guesthouse wasn’t working for me so I thought I’d give this a go. But I never thought I’d be saying those words; writing at a bar!
Let life surprise you.
That is what’s emblazoned on the front of my t-shirt right now.
-FFWD TO MAR 30th–
Tomorrow marks a full month since I started this journey. March 31st. It’s also the day that marks the 4th year since Mum’s heart peacefully rested in that hospital in Serdang. I think it’s a good time for reflection; on the past 4 weeks, perhaps the past 4 years.
Let life surprise you.
I’ve been thinking about this phrase since that last night in Luang Prabang. How the Camverra of 6 years ago would try to do everything he could to NOT let that happen. Always needing to be in control, to determine the outcome, to have a plan.
Make sure you have a plan!
What’s the plan?!
Stick to the plan!
I had it all “planned” out. I knew exactly what I wanted and where my life was going and how to get there. What could possibly go wrong? Sure, there may be some bumps and obstacles along the way but this train was not going to be derailed. Of course not, I had a plan. I knew how I was going to navigate it.
Life WILL surprise you.
It certainly surprised the hell out of me. I’m not going to bore you with the details, most of you reading this probably already know the story. And that’s another thing that might surprise you; not everyone you know really wants to hear about your issues or problems or your story. When you realise that one day (if you haven’t already), then you might probably want to retreat, to not talk about your issues, problems or story. My advice – don’t retreat, keep talking. It’s cathartic. We all need to, suppressing it has never done anyone any good. Trust me, I know. And besides, it’s one of the best ways to figure out who your real friends are.
Let life surprise you…
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In the space of a few years, all my best laid plans for my life were torn apart.
What happened to bumps and obstacles?? No one mentioned the tracks being ripped up off the ground!! This was not part of the plan!
I’ve always wondered how people deal with adversity. I read stories and watched documentaries about many of these people and was often left in awe and admiration. I couldn’t imagine how I would ever be able to cope with such tragic loss or setbacks. I would never have the strength, I told myself. Looking back now, it’s hard for me to pinpoint what exactly created that self-doubt in me.
For some of us, perhaps it’s growing up as an introvert in this world that emphasizes extrovert-ness. As an introvert, you’re always told how traits that are key to your personality need to be “fixed”.
Speak up more. Socialize more. Get out more.
We’re told that we have to be more “extroverted” to make friends. You need to be more “extroverted” to find your partner. You must be more “extroverted” to get ahead in your career.
And for me, always with an emphasis on that’s how men should be.
(Funny though how when it comes to speaking about problems or issues, the reverse is applied for men instead. Go figure.)
Over time, you start questioning yourself. Is there something wrong with me? There must be. Why else am I constantly being asked to change who I am? Slowly but surely, that self-confidence and assurance gets chipped away until you’re left doubting yourself, your character and strength.
For others, perhaps it’s the relationships we have. Ideally, we’d all have relationships with friends or partners that help us grow as individuals, one that is accepting of our shortcomings yet nurturing and reinforcing our strengths. Yet sometimes we find ourselves in the opposite. Some of us get stuck in relationships that perpetuate our shortcomings and diminish our strengths. And the more that strength gets eroded, the harder we find ourselves being able to break out. It’s a vicious cycle.
Whatever the reason, we might find ourselves in a situation of self-doubt, questioning our character and strength.
Yet there is immense strength in each and every one of us. I truly believe that now. The only thing that differentiates us in this regard is not whether we have that strength but what it takes for us to find it. And it’s in those unpleasant life surprises that we discover our strength. We may find it on our own or with the help of others, searching within ourselves. But it is there. Never doubt it.
Let life surprise you!!
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I used to think I shared so little in common with Mum. I think about a passage from a book on leadership which featured her (Barefoot Leadership by Alvin Ong):
“Irene Fernandez had no choice but to learn from her trials – literally…She changed her mindset…She opened her eyes.”
“…when we lose control of our lives, it is easy to become embittered. Irene resisted this temptation. Irene chose to be grateful…”
She was this compassionate, empathetic, fiery, determined, charismatic, strong character. I didn’t think I was any of those things. Now I’d like to think I know where I get some of that strength from.
Sometimes when I tell people that I am grateful for being diagnosed with cancer at 33, they look at me like I must be crazy. Yet it’s true. If life didn’t throw that surprise at me, I would not have changed my mindset and view on life. It gave me the opportunity to reflect on everything that had happened in my life leading up to that point. It helped me to let go of many things that I’d held on to, helped me to forgive myself for some of the wrongs that I’d done and provided me with a fresh perspective.
I am truly grateful. And perhaps now I know where I get that mindset from.
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This trip…no, journey…is the result of the culmination of those surprises that life has thrown at me. In some way, it’s ironic; those surprises that shredded my life plans have now led me to seek more surprises in an unplanned journey.
This unplanned journey. I smile now when I think about sitting down with some of you to discuss this journey; telling you that the entirety of my “planning” consisted of opening up Google maps, picking a start point, an end point and tracing a path in between through random countries. I wonder what must have been going through your minds then!
And yet so far, there have been so many wonderful surprises along the way. From places that I didn’t think of visiting to all the wonderful people I’ve met. Yes, that has to be the best part of this journey so far. The people that I’ve met and the ones that I’ve connected with.
Jake, Lovie, Nati, Phkar, Nadia, Sothy, Roberta, Aliaksandr, Matthias in Cambodia.
Anvy, Genne, Zachary, Sara, Stacey, Duong, Nghiem, Ngo, Torma, Jozsef, Leonie, Toni, Matt, in Vietnam.
Larry, Jess, Marc, Adam, Jacob, Ulrika, Souky in Laos.
Trinetra, Rodica, Brahm, Elena in Thailand so far.
And of course, AL.
All unique, wonderful souls on their own personal journeys. Some I’ve spent a few days with, others just a brief moment. And I’ve enjoyed every minute listening to their stories and sharing my own. I realise that perhaps not all these connections will remain but I eagerly look forward to the ones that will flourish into something more.
It’s amazing what can happen when you let life surprise you.
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At this point, some of you reading this might be thinking, “What is this guy on about, he’s not an introvert! Traveling around, meeting new people. Geez.”
I think that’s what some of us introverts learn to do; create an extroverted mask to fit in this extroverted society that we live in. Yet I am. I know that now. It’s taken me a long time to realise it, to accept that’s who I am and that it’s ok.
I digress.
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So where do I go from here? In the literal sense, I get on a train in 3 hours and head to Bangkok. In the non-literal sense, the journey simply continues. All the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been to and the things I’ve seen have awoken new curiosities in me. I want to learn more about people by listening to them; understand how cultures influence their thoughts. I want to understand the mindset of the man or woman who thinks it is actually ok to profit from the trafficking of persons. I want to analyse and comprehend the faults in our modern capitalist economy that has led to the vast inequality I’ve witnessed and will no doubt continue to witness as I make my way on this journey. I want to find a way for us to leverage technology to further social outcomes not just business ones.
Let life surprise you.
I want to continue to be surprised by life. Because whether those surprises are good or bad, I will learn from them.
Change your mindset. Open your eyes.
Thank you Mum.
The Wondering Wanderer 